Belief.

B.E.L.I.E.F - A powerful 6-letter word that is often underestimated. A word that could change lives. A word that should be in everyone's dictionary.

How important is it to believe in yourself? How important is it FOR SOMEONE TO BELIEVE IN YOU?

I think self-belief is very important indeed. That is the first stage to achieving your goals and dreams. Some might think being a dreamer is time wasting but really, dreams feel so good and comforting and isn't that what keeps us going?



Life is about having hopes and life without hopes is as good as being dead. The reason why we are travelling from one side of the world to the other stems from a crazy idea of humans' desire to FLY. I can't really fully credit a single individual for the invention of planes as many people tried over the years though the bragging rights did go to the Wright brothers. Oh how I can imagine people back then scoffing at the idea and laughing in their faces but had they not peservered, I wouldn't be here in another country and experiencing winter and no one would be travelling conveniently and witnessing the outstanding and breathtaking beauty of this world.

I've always believed in myself and I've always been a dreamer. Sometimes when I'm on my own, my eyes would glaze and I'd dream of things I've always wanted in life... I dreamt of having a high-powered job and being on top of the world...I dreamt of significantly extending my love, time and help to the poor... I dreamt of pampering my family of luxuries they've never had before...I dreamt of travelling around the world and meeting all the amazing people of different colours, languages and life stories... I dreamt of building a school for the unpriviledged kids who are deprived of education...I dreamt of thousand and one desires and wishes...I never stop dreaming...and I'll never stop taking steps to achieve it.



I do have my down moments. I do have those times when I just say down motionless and stare blankly at the ceiling for ages and let myself wallow in self pity. I cry till I couldn't cry anymore. After that, I pick myself up again and embrace life's challenges with a new attitude.

Honestly I've always felt alone in the pursuit of my dreams, more so now than before. Since I got here in Istanbul, my parents labelled me as useless and childish. They wanted something more conventional for me and anything unconventional which involves risk is simply stupid and and brainless in their eyes. Since then, I've always kept my dreams to myself. I don't share my dreams with my close friends anymore as they won't really be interested and we just seem to be going on different paths and it seems more and more apparent as time passes.

Sometimes when on one believes in you, it takes a toll on your esteem and confidence. Having support and beliefs from people who are dear to you can make such big difference and this is what you should remember. Take a look around you. Think of your loved ones and ask yourself whether you've supported them in their dreams and beliefs. It just takes moral support and kind words from your part but for the person on the receiving end, that means the WORLD to them, you can't imagine especially when they are slowly crumbling.



To L- an amazingly highly intellectual woman I really respect and admire, thank you very much for your email today. You got me writing this. I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart for your moving email. Your belief in me springs up my will to achieve again and it certainly boost up my morale, drive and motivation. We all need that at a point in our lives and for me, I haven't been having the support I really desire for a long time and for YOU to be spending your time emailing me, getting me all teared up, means so much to me. God bless you and I look forward to you joining me here.

P/S - I think God added a dramatic touch coz once I read your email and feeling all emotional, this amazing inspirational lil fella appeared on TV and that's all I need to get my tissues out! Enjoy it.





Much love,
V

Don't Bloody Piss Your Teacher Off!

I was kinda upset today, but at the same time I knew I might have been a tad sensitive about the whole issue. Maybe I'm taking work way too seriously. Hell, I ALWAYS take work seriously!

I gave my adult students an assignment last week for today's lesson. They have to bring their favourite English song each and then do a presentation on what the song is about, the mood it creates, how they can relate to the song etc...

There were 3 students in my class today. It was a Pre-Intermediate level. There was a Jewish couple and business owners, S and A, whom I really like and a nice young lady, D, who is a marketing executive in a medical company.

S went first and we listened to a love song of her choice. She then talked about how the song was the first to be played at her wedding and that for 10 good years and still counting, it has been the ringing tone used everytime her husband calls her. That's why I like the couple, especially S. It's not true that only the students learn in class, teachers do learn from the students too - that I strongly believe. S and A showed me the beauty of 20 over years of married life. I love the way they look at each other and tease each other and laugh. S, especially just radiates of positivity and love. They taught me alot about life and beauty of love and family. S makes me laugh alot and vice versa. She's no dainty woman, she speaks her mind and carries her full figure with such confidence and a dash of arrogance.

My goodness I'm really getting carried away here lol...Anyways, next came D who unsurprisingly, didn't bring any song. D's always busy with work and yes she has a good career going for her, going to congresses all over the cities non stop. She used S's fancy phone and chose a song from there and played it in class during her presentation. It was my all time favourite, She by Elvis Costello.

Obviously unprepared, she went on to say how the song was all about a woman and how it seemed the singer was really in love with her. She continued saying it was a lovely love song and the woman was very lucky indeed.

During presentations, I always try to get my students to talk more because most would just get 'stuck' or be satisfied to give a short and simple speech. They usually get discouraged coz of their limited knowledge of English but this is something I always push for them to overcome. I always aim to boost their confidence in conversing in English and the only way is to PRACTICE!

I asked D questions like is ıt scary to love somebody so much and to elaborate her opinion on that. She replied yes that one shouldn't go crazy in love. Yup, exactly one sentence. I then asked her if women are usually victims in love compared to the men and whether men are emotionally stronger when it comes to love.

She looked at me exasperated and said, 'I am boring.' I knew she meant 'I am bored'. Smiling, I asked her why and she said it was all too much on love and emotions. I was pissed but one thing I learnt from my humble teaching experience is to never show negative emotions especially to adult students coz some would not think twice to use that against you.

After the last presentation by A, again smiling, I thanked them for their efforts and sharing their opinions with me. Not really letting go of the issue, I told the students that if they don't like to talk about love, they can bring a different type of song to begin with, that there was no restrictions at all for the assignment and that was why I asked them to bring THEIR favourite songs. On that note, I just settled my eyes on D for a couple of seconds and smiled. Oh how deceiving smiles can be!

I know I might take this a little too personally but nothing irritates me more than having students telling me they are bored. IN MY CLASS. Turkish students are outspoken and they are frank. They say what they wanna say, period. I took this personally coz I am rather a perfectionist. I MUST be that sought after teacher, the best one in the school. My lessons are usually filled with laughters, save to say they're not just my own.

Another thing that annoys me was the fact that teachers DO work their asses off and students DON'T realise that! We don't sashay to class, batting our eyelashes and just pick a topic on the spot and just do it! We freaking plan our topic and battle with our inner selves debating whether the topic will engage the type of students that we have. We plan our lesson plans thoroughly and are always thinking of fresh ideas, epecially for ADULT students cos they normally hate repetition unlike children, who need them in order to drill new info in their heads. We constantly do research coz well... we are EXPECTED to have answers, it's like we are the walking Wikipedia.

Thus when we ask you to do a gawd damn assignment, just bloody do it! It doesn't take 1 hour to find your bloody favourite song from your stack of cds or mp3, if it does I don't think that's REALLY your favourite song is it?! So don't freaking tell me you are bored of talking about love and emotions when you played SHE BY ELVİS COSTELLO in my class! Geez that song always nearly brings me to tears what else can I ask about pertaining to it, GLOBAL WARMING?!!

Later on during our break, all of us had 'cay' (Turkish for tea) at the balcony and D said,'Omg, we've attended this course for 6 weeks already!' I looked at her and went like,'And.........?' She continued saying when the other songs were being played earlier she couldn't even pick up the words of the lyrics. -.- I didn't know why but I took it personally again, wasn't that like saying omg, 6 weeks learning English with THIS teacher and I couldn't even pick up some songs' lyrics!

I put down my cay and that was it at the balcony I kinda lectured them, showing I meant business. I didn't even care that S and A are much much older than me, I wanted to have my say and I did. To address D's concern, I told her random songs are the worst way to gauge her capability in English. Most songs are not grammatically accurate and they use a lot of slangs and short forms in order to accomodate the melody and rhythm as well. That was why Jane Austen was never a songwriter nor Eminem, an author. I told them all if they want to gauge their comprehension, they should do it through the proper channel - listen to BBC, you can never go wrong.

I asked each and everyone of them if they felt they've improved from the 1st lesson till now and all of them said yes so that was good, I kinda breathed again lol. I didn't stop there though, I went on and on like I was lecturing my child. All eyes were glued on me and for some funny reason, I felt as though they were all getting motivated listening to me! They were nodding passionately in agreement to what I was saying, even D. They all looked serious but inspired. Wow. Amazing. To think I could come up with some 'inspiring' damn speech just because I was pissed off.

It's definitely easy to blame the teachers for your lack of improvement but seriously, we DON'T have magic wands, you can't make you a whiz by or within a period of time! If you can't help yourselves, neither can we. We can only afford to teach but you guys should work hard at it too.

Before I ended the class, I divided the board into 3 sections and told each of them to take a section and handed them each a marker. I gave them vocabulary quiz on what I've covered before. The whole board was covered with little writings. I went through their mistakes, which was quite a significant number and before I wrapped up my lesson, I smiled and told them all those countless words on the board didn't even add up to 1/5 of the vocab I've taught them so far, for the past 6 weeks so get moving and revise EVERY SINGLE thing covered coz there'll be a surprise test or quız at next lesson. Now are you gonna piss the teacher again?? *roll eyes*




xo;
V

Classroom Chill

I was photocopying some handouts yesterday when my colleague, A, came over to say hi. She just finished her lesson she was supposed to substitute for. She told me something rather disturbing, something I fear for our young generation.

The 11 year olds she taught were supposed to write a report on err...murder. I know, I know, of all things, MURDER??!!! It was part of an exercise taken off the book they were using.

She told me the kids got quite 'creative' and started writing about limbs being cut off. She felt it was ok except for one. When the kid handed her his writing, he told her she was going to be angry with him. After reading, she realised why.

She wouldn't tell me the full contents of his writing but judging from the petrified look on her face and her saucer-like eyes I guessed it must have been over the top.

'Was it something sexual?' I asked her. She said she didn't wanna go into much details but the kid was talking about male castration in details. Oh my freaking gawd. I had a horrified look on my face too when she told me that.

She had a talk with him after that telling him it was't normal behaviour to be writing such sick, gory things. C'mon the kid is 11, he shouldn't be writing about such stuff!!! He clearly didnt put much thought on how SERIOUS the matter is.

All this exposion of sex and violence through the media is really doing major damage to young children. Movies like Saw in all its blood and gory don't help either. Sure there might be age restriction but one could easily buy them off some illegal dvd sellers on the streets!

Yes I worry about our younger generation, whether they'll grow up to be decent and uprıght ındıvıduals. I worry about how screwed up the world's turning into and how kids these days are not enjoying childhood full of candies and rainbows. They are losing their innocence at such a young age, they are exposed to this sick world prematurely thinking it's NORMAL. No, it's NOT normal.

If you have kids or are surrounded by kids, please do protect their innocence for the medias are certainly not giving a damn.

Stuck in Midst of Footie Craze!

I'm here now in my usual hangout cafe, not too far way from my place. My friend wanna watch the remaining of a local footie match on the bıg screen plasma here - Beşiktas VS Galatasaray.

Truth be told, I HATE FOOTBALL. I can never grasp the whole football frenzy and the basics of the game. The only bit I enjoy is when I can pratice my judgement whenever a 'foul' occurs, studying whether the player is shitting his way to earn a yellow card for his opponent. That's as far as my dream of being a psychologist goes.

Some gals love football for the handsome, sweaty players. Unfortunately I don't swing that way thus here I am in the cafe and in midst of screaming Turkish blokes, typing away on my new sexy red netbook.

I love the ambience though, there's something amusing and hilarious about men having their eyes glued to the screen, some with their mouths ajar. (Omg, Galatasaray just scored and a chubby Galatasaray fanatic fan clad in full jersey of its signature chrome and deep red just got out of the loo! Muahahaha... He must be pinching himself in the balls for missing that one!)

Oh praise God match has ended! Heading back home now! Wooo!


xo,
V

Just Another Day

I'm done with my lesson plans and now waiting for my nails to dry. I've class soon and can't bear to teach with chipped nails, I don't know for some reason I find students usually tend to scrutinise you from head to toe! The last time I had few streaks of baby pink hair, my female students spotted it right away though I had carefully stuffed it in the inner bits of my pony tail.

My first lesson today will be with this 13 year old kid, M. I like him, he's smart and he really wants to learn and that's what teachers love most. Great attıtude! Doesn't matter ıf ya slow but if you have the positive attitude, ya my favourıte student!

I still remembered the first time I spoke to M's mom. Boy, was she hard work! I heard my director telling her yea, we've found a foreign teacher to teach your kid.I was just beside my director, she was talking in Turkish so I just pıcked up the keywords and put pıeces together.

I was told before that M's dad is Irish and his mom is an Englısh teacher. So why does he need Englısh course, I asked my dırector. She told me his parents are divorced. Somehow I knew my natıonalıty would pose as a lıttle barrıer to me gettıng thıs teachıng gıg.

'Sıngapore,' I heard my dırector tellıng M's mom over the phone. Aah well, nothıng new. Everyone's dyıng for Englısh natıve teachers here and truth be told, there's no shortage of ıt. If ya blue eyed and blond, the better your appeal as an ESL teacher.

I knew the mom would wanna speak to me and true enough, the phone was suddenly passed to me.

I trıed to sound all cheery and nice and M's mom kept on askıng where I'm from. Sıngapore, Sıngapore, Sıngapore, I kept on answering. She asked ıf I've lıved in UK and I saıd no. She asked ıf I've lıved ın the States, I saıd no, I've lived in Sıngapore all my lıfe. -.-

There was a pause and I dıdn't mean to be rude when I told her Englısh ıs the offıcıal language ın Sıngapore. She was ımmedıately offended and got a lıttle hysterıcal tellıng of course she knew that, she watches the Dıscovery Channel all the tıme! Err... oh ok. Wow. She went on to say Turkısh people are not ıgnorant and they know that. Touchy aren't we.

Well I wasn't beıng a smart arse honestly. Not MANY people know that fact and certaınly not Turkısh. Hell even some of my Englısh frıends don't know that! I was just ınformıng here to ease her mınd that's all! For some reason I found ıt funny and I laughed. There was a pause. Then she laughed too. Boy, laughter sure ıs ınfectıous...or useful to dısguıse embarrassment.

Later she told the dırector that yea she was comfortable havıng me as her son's teacher. On the fırst lesson wıth M, she was there. She brought all hıs school books and proceeded on tellıng me what I should do, she sımply couldn't stop beıng a teacher. I was polıte to her and told her, no problem I know what to do and to trust me to do my job. Before she got offended and hysterıcal agaın, I put my hand on her arm and smıled tellıng her not to worry that I'd do my best. The warmth of a human hand ıs amazıng and can work wonders to break any form of hostılıty. She let her guard down and smıled, apologısıng to me for beıng too anxıous. (We called ıt 'KIASU' ın Sıngapore)

The lesson went fıne and I found myself extendıng my lesson tıme for M. It dawned to me how hard thıs lady must have worked to sıngle handedly support her chıld, wantıng hım to excel ın lıfe. I started understandıng her more.

Wokay, my naıls are almost drıed now so tıme for me to get ready for work! Cıao!


xo,
V

Do We Hardened Up As We Get Older?

As I get older, I realised not only do I have low tolerance for bullshit but I also tend to be less sympathetic and compassionate. I wonder why? Do we allow experiences to buıld up in us such that we have an invinsible layer of shield repelling anything from stirring our hearts?

I guess personally for me, as years go by, I realise the world isn't all it's made out to be. Santa Claus doesn't exist, mothers are abandoning their new born babies without a blink of an eye, that nice colleague at the corner isn't all that nice after countless attempts of stabbing your back, happy families mostly exist in Chinese dramas and nice guys (or gals) really do finish last.

Perhaps I learnt to be wiser as I get older, having experienced a chunk of what life has to offer but with that wisdom, I had to compromise my innocence and bright-eyed naivety - something which sugar coated my eyes about this world and not necessarily a bad thing.

When I was much younger, adults confused me. I used to wonder why they could be so heartless, stoic and unmoved. I remembered vowing not to grow up being one of them as I was proud of my sensitivity and compassion towards people. I remembered a family vacation trip to Indonesia back then. It was my first (and only) family vacation. I had grown up men and women on their knees begging me to buy some immitation Walt Disney necklaces from them. In Bahasa Indonesia, they told me they really needed to feed their kids back home, getting all misty-eyed. Though I knew the cheap material of the necklaces would leave a rash on my neck and the fact that I HATE Walt Disney characters, I gladly parted with my money and bought a bunch. I was happy to do so.

Then mom grabbed my wrist and told me to stop buying. Couple more of these sellers surrounded her, telling her their life stories. Looking annoyed, she just walked off dragging me along. I was angry with mom for being so unkind and rude. I even argued with her about it, it made no sense to me. I'd happily part with my money rather than buying pretty things for myself there. Bear in mind, we weren't well to do and I didn't really have much to spare.

Now in my late 20s, how things changed. Over a year here I've been in Istanbul and not once had I given a penny to the gypsies. Oh how they beg, how they sob and tell me their stories in Turkish (not that I understand), how they craddle their newborns in their dirty arms, offering a pungent smell everywhere they go but.. I still don't bulge with emotions. Sorry but I've learnt things about life that I've yet to when I was young and that is: sometimes it's a dog eat dog world and the weakest link DROWNS. I've experienced first hand how humans can be so evil and manipulative, preying on others' emotions for their gains. Though I don't see myself as a predator, I am not and refused to be taken as a prey.



XO,
V

İyi Bayramlar! Good or Evil?

This week marks the celebration of the Kurban Bayram as what is known here in Turkey. For those who are not too familiar with it, it is a celebration by Muslims worldwide to commemorate the obedience of Prophet Ibrahim for his willingness to sacrifice his son to God. That was a test of faith which he aced before God compromised and allowed him to take a ram as the sacrifical replacement instead.

During this period, Muslims sacrificed animals namely cows, goats and sheeps and feed their meat to the poor as a rememberance of God's blessings and to remember the less fortunate. It is also during this period that I see a few of 'SAVE THE ANIMALS! SAY NO TO CRUELTY! STOP THIS CRAZINESS!' messages at the wallposts of my Facebook contacts, those who aren't Muslims that is. A couple even left rather distasteful remarks about Muslims and their practices leaving some of their Muslim friends greatly offended.

Now I don't understand all these hoo-haa... I find it almost hypocritical that some people choose to profess their sudden love and passion towards animal cruelty. Hypocritical because these are the very same people who enjoy their cheeseburgers, kebabs and steaks with great gusto! Excuse me, where do those meat come from? Guess what, they don't come falling from the sky. Surprise surprise.

Muslims believe in executing minimal pain when slaughtering these animals. The animals are slaughtered along with the recital of God's name and these animals should not be subjected to unnecessary torture and cruelty. There's a technique used in slaughtering these animals to execute as little pain as possible. Another thing to note is these meat are then shared and donated to the poor.

With all these dramas going on by others about this so called cruel practice, I'd suggest for them to start researching themselves on how fast food restaurants like KFC are slaughtering their chickens. Their chickens are being electrocuted and scalded by boiling hot water. Their beaks are also being chopped off and in their slaughterhouse, the chickens are all being cooped in a tiny area with barely any room to move.

I did a lesson on animal cruelty before with my students and one of the videos we watched was on animal cruelty practiced by KFC and I was nearly in tears watching it.

Truth be told, I'm not an animal lover. I don't expect people to agree with everything a religion dictates. However, I'm big on RESPECT and it irks me when people shoot their freaking mouths off especially when it comes to sensitive issues. I could think of thousand and one different religious practices that don't make sense to me but I certainly won't publish it on a public site like Facebook in full view of my other friends of all cultures and beliefs. I respect their beliefs and I can agree to disagree. No religion preaches hatred nor cruelty, only difference is their practice and documentation.

I can however understand vegetarians expressing great displeasure at this coz to begin with, they don't consume animals for pleasure or food. I completely appreciate the rationale behind this and found their disapproval of such practices to be genuine.

If I could sıdetrack a little, this keyboard is really driving me nuts.. I just got a sexy red Samsung netbook here thus it comes with Turkish keyboard and I really have to get used to the new keyboard now coz they have lotsa strange alphabets lıke ı, ş, ö, ç, ğ, ü etc.... so if you see an undotted 'i', you know why!

Till then, iyi bayramlar and enjoy your hols!


xo,
V